The Top Ten 101’s

1. Demonstrate Respect Principle – Treat the child the same way you do other important people in your life - the way you want him to treat you - and others. "How would I want her to say that to me?"
   
   
2. Modeling - Model the behavior you want.  Show the child, by example, how to behave.  A child is always watching and will grow up to be like you - whether you want him to or not.
   
   
3. Make a Big Deal principle – Make a big deal over responsible, considerate, appropriate behavior - with attention (your eyeballs), thanks, praise, thumbs-up, recognition, hugs, special privileges, incentives (NOT food).
   
   
4. Incompatible Alternative Principle – Give the child something to do that is incompatible with the inappropriate behavior. "Help me pick out 6 oranges" (instead of running around the grocery store).
   
   
5. Choice Principle – Give the child two choices, both of which are positive and acceptable to you. "Would you rather tiptoe or hop upstairs to bed? You choose or I'll choose.” "We need to clear off our desks.  Do you need one minute or two?" - Then set the timer.  This can also be used with spouses. " The garage needs to be cleaned out. Would you rather do it tonight or Saturday?”
   
   
6. When/Then Abuse it/Lose it Principle –  Positive discipline involves team work and cooperation.  When the child chooses to behave in the way you have requested, then he will be given the privilege he wants.  However, if he chooses not to comply, the privilege is lost.  For example, "When you have finished your homework, then you may watch TV. No homework, no TV."
   
   
7. Connect Before You Correct Principle – Be sure to "connect" with a child - get to know him and show him that you care about him - before you begin to try to correct his behavior. This works well with parents too. Share positive thoughts with them about their child before you attack the problems!
   
   
8. Validation Principle – Validate his wants and feelings by acknowledging them. "I know you feel angry with your teacher and want to stay home from school. I don't blame you. The bus will be here in 45 minutes."
   
   
9. Good Head on Your Shoulders Principle – Tell your child, especially as he reaches the teen years, "You have a good head on your shoulders. You decide. I trust your judgment." This brings out the best in the child and shows him that eventually he will be in charge of his own life and responsible for his own decisions.
   
   
10. Belonging and Significance Principle – Remember that everyone needs to feel that he belongs and is significant. Help your child to feel important by giving him important jobs to do and reminding him that if he doesn't do them, they don't get done! Help him feel important by being responsible.